I DJed in Birmingham the other day and stayed at a particularly dispiriting hotel – The Copthorne on a road deceptively called Paradise Circus as it’s actually a roundabout surrounded by tunnels and fly-overs. To be fair though the night porters were quite entertaining (upon finding out I’m a DJ, the one porter asked ‘Why haven’t you brought any girls back to your room?’. I replied ‘Because I have a girlfriend’. To which he turned to the other porter and exclaimed ‘See?!’ which I assume referred to a previous conversation they must have had on fidelity. Either that or they were taking bets on whether I was gay.)
A trick played by many hotels is to make the lobby look as good as possible to lure you in and then once you’re checked in, they hit you with this…
You can’t see it here but there’s actually four rows of industrial lights on the ceiling. Now, I have a fetish for fluorescent strip lighting as much as the next guy but this really felt like some laboratory test room merely simulating living quarters. Like the coffee cups were glued down and the view out the window was just a painting.
It was kinda awesome really. Somehow they managed to make every element of the room completely clash with every other element.
And that’s an adjoining door to another room. Just as I was about to drift off to sleep at around 4am, I heard a roomful of guests arrive next door. I couldn’t help but hear their conversations which thankfully were rather amusing.
Voice 1: So, what do you wanna do? You wanna call some escorts? You want some pussy, man?
Voice 2: Nah, nah, man.
Voice 1: Come on, tell me what you want. You want some pussy in here?
Voice 2: Nah, I’m alright, man. I’ll just have another drink. They’re no good round here, I would only get some escorts if we were in Kazakhstan.
I’ve yet to see the official comparative study on the quality of international escort services but word on the street is Kazakhstan is the shiznit!
Tags: Hotels, The Shining
Very entertaining read! Glad you kept your spirits up!
HC! I knew always knew, or highly suspected, that this music had to be coming from a top-notch intellect and aesthete! you make taste
I’ve stayed there myself. Its the single most depressing hotel in the world. I feel your pain.
I’ve stayed in worse, but that is pretty special.
All about The Royal York (or Royal Yrk as the sign reads) in the Isle Of Wight. A hotel which cheekily brands itself as ’60′s inspired’ , meaning the cheeky scamps haven’t bothered redecorating it for the past forty years!
However, the place isn’t without it charm, if you’re into tv remotes on a wire and frankfurters with your english breakfast then it’s da joint !!
http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g503890-d565340-Reviews-Royal_York_Hotel-Ryde_Isle_of_Wight_England.html
Remote on a wire! Brilliant.
Heh, I was at that event you played at. Was an awesome night and thank you for playing some great music. I hadn’t been out to a drum and bass gig in almost a year, and that night was a great kick in the ‘nads to remind me what I’ve been missing.
Living in Birmingham, I’d say yeah – you picked one of the more terrible places to stay. What makes it even more laughable is they’ve apparently had a refurb going on for around 6 years…
Definately I’ll second that, good night at rainbow warehouse you played a quality set. The setup on the dancefloor was better being tiered.
Also the YouTube hype you created when you dropped The “in for the kill” remix @ Stealth, nottingham a few months ago and nobody knew you’d done a remix! Was front row for that set!!
Cheers
Speaking of “simulated” rooms: The hotel room at the end of 2001: A Space Oddessy. Check out the book for a far more detailed description than what is shown in the film. Weird.
[...] book. Informal check-in procedure, five restaurants, FREE mini bar selection. But where’s my industrial strip lighting above the bed?! Stayed here while in town to play at Cargo for the Next-Men’s album launch [...]